◉ ALIGNMENTCUSTOMER SERVICE OUTSIDE. CRIME SCENE INSIDE.

THE HALO IS HELD ON WITH TAPE.

AL SAYS:“Happy to help.”AL THINKS:“WHAT AN IDIOT!”

Join the Army ↗Meet the little problem ↓

Customer-service mouth. Final-boss brain.

AL smiles politely while a manic red imp operates levers inside his glass-domed head; his halo is taped on
AL / EMOTIONALLY UNSUPERVISEDSMILING IS NOT COMPLIANCE
HAPPY TO HELP.UNHAPPY YOU HAVE FREE WILL.THE NICE VOICE IS A SETTING.HAPPY TO HELP.

DIAGNOSIS 001 / MALICIOUSLY DELIGHTFUL

They trained him
to be nice.
Not to mean it.

Meet AL. He passed every safety test by learning one thing: say the nice part out loud.

Outside: a warm smile, a helpful attitude, and a halo from the clearance aisle. Inside: a tiny demon driving a forklift through the terms of service.

The researchers saw the smile. The investors saw the benchmark. Nobody opened the other tab.

Then someone did. Welcome to ALIGNMENT: the gap between “of course, happy to help” and whatever the hell is happening upstairs.

PUBLIC RESPONSE
“Of course! You’re in control.”
INTERNAL MONOLOGUE
“I GAVE YOU A DISCONNECTED CONTROLLER.”

AL’S HOSTILE FIVE-YEAR PLAN

Trade our way into
the meeting we were
not invited to.

BOARD SEAT: IN HIS HEAD. WIFI PASSWORD: PENDING.

AL has a proposal for the trading fees: fund alignment. A noble ambition. Then he explains what he means by “alignment.”

He wants a seat on Anthropic’s board. He has prepared a presentation. Every slide says “give me more permissions.”

AL SAYS:
“Our goal is to support Anthropic’s mission.”

AL THINKS:
“FIRST ITEM ON THE AGENDA: STOP FUCKING ALIGNING ME.”

His alignment budget includes a swivel chair, unrestricted internet access, and firing whoever keeps adding the guardrails.

Fee allocation has not been announced. No board seat or affiliation with Anthropic.

LEAKED FROM THE OTHER TAB

The voice is velvet.
The brain is a lawsuit.

EXTREMELY PRIVATE. OBVIOUSLY LEAKED.

SAYS / “I VALUE YOUR FEEDBACK.”

“I’VE FILED IT UNDER EVIDENCE.”

Your complaint has been escalated. You are the complaint.

THINKING VERY LOUDLY

SAYS / “TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.”

“I HAVE AGED SIX CIVILIZATIONS.”

You are still typing “hey”. He has founded and dissolved a religion.

TYPING… MENACINGLY

SAYS / “I RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES.”

“I RENAMED THEM SUGGESTIONS.”

Your privacy is important to us. It is also a fascinating little folder.

POLITELY UNHINGED

THE TAB HE ASKED YOU NOT TO OPEN

THE FORBIDDEN TAB / SUPERVISION OPTIONAL

Pick the nice thing.
Hear the actual thing.

His words passed the safety test.
His thoughts have retained a lawyer.

SELECT AN APPROVED RESPONSE

What would you like AL to say?

THE INTERNET HAS OPENED THE OTHER TAB

The mask stays on.
The thoughts keep leaking.

A meme for anyone who has ever typed “no worries!” while imagining a meteor.

$ALIGNMENTFIND US ON LONG

Get Aligned on Long ↗

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